Singles Chat: How to Flirt Online and Meet South African Singles

What is singles chat and how does it work on FlirtZA?

Singles chat used to mean a text chat room full of nicknames. On FlirtZA it means a private, one-to-one video conversation with a real person who also came to flirt. Nobody browses you in advance and nobody rates you afterwards.

1. Choose your gender, your age and who you want to chat with: women or men.
2. Confirm that you are 18 or older.
3. Allow camera access when your browser asks.
4. You are paired with someone within seconds. Text chat and emoji reactions run alongside the video.
5. Press Next for a new person, or Stop to end the session.

It is free, there is no app, and it runs in the browser on iPhone, Android and laptops. The lobby is shared with a wider international network, so you will meet people from South Africa and from other countries.

People come for different reasons. Some want a bit of banter after work, some are looking for a date, and some are open to something casual. You find out by asking, which is half the fun.

How do you start a flirt chat without it being awkward?

The first five seconds matter more than the first sentence. Smile, say hi, and give the other person a moment to respond. Then keep it simple.

• Ask about their day: How is your evening going so far?
• Comment on something you can see: That is a serious bookshelf. What are you reading?
• Play the geography card: Where in the world are you? I am in Durban, and yes, it is humid.
• Offer a light either-or: Braai or sushi for a first date?
• Be honest about nerves: I am new to this, so bear with me. Admitting it disarms almost everyone.

Skip the rehearsed pickup lines. On live video they sound exactly that: rehearsed. Curiosity works better. Ask a question, listen to the answer, and ask a follow-up based on what the person actually said.

If you turn out to share a home language, use it. Switching to Afrikaans, isiZulu or whatever you both speak is an instant icebreaker, and a bit of local humour goes a long way.

What body language works on live video?

On video, how you come across matters as much as what you say. Most of it is set-up that you can fix in a minute before you start.

• Camera at eye level. A phone propped against a mug beats a phone held under your chin.
• Light in front of you, not behind. A window or lamp facing you does more than any filter.
• Look at the lens now and then. To the other person, that is eye contact.
• Smile early. It is the clearest signal of friendly interest there is.
• Sit still and lean in slightly. Walking around with the phone is dizzying to watch.
• Use earphones if there is an echo, and turn the TV down.
• Check your background. A tidy, neutral corner looks better and gives away less about where you live.

A stable connection is part of your body language too. Frozen video kills the mood, so use Wi-Fi where you can. It also saves your data bundle, because live video uses far more data than texting.

How can you tell if someone is interested?

Interest shows up quickly on live video, because you see reactions as they happen. These are the common signals and what to do about each.

A compliment lands best when it is specific and about something the person chose: their taste in music, the way they tell a story, their sense of humour. Comments on someone's body in the first minute usually end the chat.

When should you press Next?

Next is the feature that keeps singles chat relaxed. There is no daily cap and no timer, so you never have to sit through a conversation that is not working, and neither does the other person.

• There is no spark after a minute or two: thank them, wish them well and press Next.
• You do not share a language.
• The other person is clearly busy with something else.
• You feel uncomfortable for any reason. You do not owe anyone an explanation.

Do not take it personally when someone skips you. People press Next for reasons that have nothing to do with you, from a bad signal to a knock at the door.

If someone is abusive, explicit without your consent or asks for money, use the flag above their video instead of Next. You pick a reason, the connection ends immediately and a still frame goes to moderators. Because Block is on by default, you are never paired with that person again.

What are the dos and don'ts of flirting online?

Do

• Be yourself at your most relaxed, not a character.
• Listen more than you talk.
• Use the text chat for spellings, song titles and handles, and emoji reactions to show you are enjoying a story.
• Say what you are looking for, whether that is a laugh, a date or something casual. Clarity is attractive.
• End well. A warm goodbye costs nothing.

Don't

• Do not open with a comment on someone's body.
• Do not push after a no. One no is enough.
• Do not lie about your age or your relationship status.
• Do not show or ask for anything explicit. FlirtZA is a flirting site, and the other person can record their own screen.
• Do not interrogate. It is a chat, not a job interview.
• Do not send links, and do not click on any.

If you are hoping for something casual, say so politely and accept the answer you get. Being direct is fine. Being crude is not, and explicit behaviour gets people reported.

How do you swap contacts safely?

FlirtZA has no message inbox and no friends list. When you press Next, the chat is gone. If you both want to stay in touch, you need to agree on how before the conversation ends.

1. Wait until you have had a proper conversation. Ten good minutes on video tells you more than a week of messages.
2. Offer a social media handle first, typed into the text chat. It gives away less than a phone number, which is usually tied to your WhatsApp profile.
3. Keep your surname, home address and workplace to yourself until you have met and trust the person.
4. Never send money, airtime or vouchers, no matter how good the chat was.
5. Have at least one more video call before you meet, then follow the first-date basics: a public place, a friend who knows where you are, and your own transport.

Our guide to online dating safety in South Africa goes through the move from chat to a first date step by step. And if you are in the mood to talk without any flirting, our sister site Howzy (howzy.co.za) is a general talk-to-strangers chat.